A visit from Clara's Dad

I never really got a good picture. Using the camera was a new experience, and my finger kept getting in the way of the flash.
The visit from Clara's dad was nice. Clara was obviously excited to see him, and they played most of the time he was here.

Oh. Hello.

It has been over a week since my last post. Ridiculous, but being in Holland makes it difficult to blog.
I ha a doctor's appointment last Friday (the 4th) and she informed me that I was 2 cm dialated and 50% effaced. Pretty nifty, eh? All of that standing/walking/squatting is paying off. On another fabulous note, I hit 37 weeks! The bean is now FULL TERM!!!! and I cannot wait to meet her.
On Sunday, my old roommate from college/bestie from high school, Kallie, took maternity pictures of BD and I. I can't wait to see how they turn out! She has also spent some time in India, and gave me 2 sari-like wraps and an instruction manual on baby-wearing. Hopefully, it's not too difficult for me to figure out.
We made some headway on the apartment, and we got (in-writing) confirmation that we will be moving in next Thursday or Friday. (Over 5 weeks from when they told us we could move in originally). Ridiculous. And it's cutting it too close for comfort to my due date. I don't like it. At all. However, we will be getting the remainder of March free because of our patience, but I would rather just have a place to live.
Lee and I were out and about the other night, and I went to the bathroom. This would be an otherwise uneventful bathroom trip, but my water broke! Or at least I thought it did. Big difference. The next section is a bit TMI, so feel free to stop reading here, if you want...
But I know you're curious. :) After peeing for over a minute, I remember thinking to myself "Wow, that's a lot of pee." Now, I've heard and been told that your water breaking can feel like a big gush, but also that it can feel like you're peeing... but you can't stop the flow of urine with your pelvic floor muscles. So... I tried to stop "peeing" and it didn't work. At this point, I started to panic a bit. Fluid kept coming out for another 4 minutes or so... and after it seemed finished, I went back to the table and told BD, "I think my water broke... but I'm gonna call the Dr.". BIG look of shock on his face. So I went in the other room and called the on-call doctor, explaining to her what had happened. I told her I was at least expecting some sort of "gush" and contraction... or at least some kind of pain... but NOTHING!
The doctor says it can happen the way I experienced it, and that it was important for me to get to the hospital quickly in case my contractions did not start on their own. I went and told BD. He became very pale and I thought he was gonna have a panic attack, or pass out or something. I was very calm throughout this whole process, and we decided it would be better if I drove. I guess I wasn't convinced that I was in labor. So to the hospital we went. I truely thought BD was gonna pass out.
I changed into a gown once we got there, and after a series of questions, they hooked me up to some monitors. They did a test which involved sticking a swab up near my cervix (TMI, I know) and testing the fluid to see if it was amniotic fluid. Which, of course, would tell us if my water had truely broken. Some contractions were showing up on the monitor, but nothing major. I was still not convinced. BD paced a bit, and we watched some TV while waiting for the results. They came in after about 30 minutes and my water had NOT broken! Yay! (*As much as I want her out... it was not a good situation. I didn't feel right about anything that was happening, so I'm happy she wasn't coming for real.) But WHAT had happened? I was stumped. I asked the nurse and she said that if the baby is pushing down hard on my bladder, there's nothing I can do to stop it from coming out once I initially relax my pelvic floor. Weird, right? So at that point, I felt real stupid for making my extra-long peeing session into such a big deal. BD teased me about it, and then sternly told the bean not to make her mama pee like that ever again because it was scary for the both of us.
The end. :)

I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow, so hopefully I'll be even more dialated, and I can get this baby out sometime this week. YAY! :)

Oh yeah, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE vote for my blog! It's only 2 clicks!!!! Thanks. :)

36 weeks. (That's 9 months!)

I took another legit belly pic today. :D PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE vote for my blog!

How far along? 36 weeks, 2 days.

Total Weight Gain: No idea. Somewhere around 25 lbs.

Belly button: Innie.

Stretch marks: Some days they look better, some days they look worse. When BD sees my belly, he says "my poor baby". I'm not sure if he's talking about me or the baby, but regardless, it's pretty gross. I feel like a tiger. eww.

Maternity clothes: Everything is tight now and leaves marks on my skin (mostly pants right under my belly, even sweatpants) :(

Gender: GIRL. She had better be a girl. Unless it's a boy, and he wants to wear pink. (I've already taken tags off and washed everything.) I wouldn't mind, but I know BD would. That's why everything I bought is gender-neutral.

Movement: Lots of hiccups as usual. I think she flipped because I'm feeling hiccups by my ribs, instead of down low near the underside of my belly. LAME. That means she's head-up. No good. You had better turn, little one!

Symptoms: The pain is better! Something I would never thought would happen when I hit 9 months. Which is another reason why I think she's flipped. The back pain only comes if I'm on my feet a lot, walking around and such. My inner thighs/groin area hurt a lot last week, which is why I thought she dropped into my pelvis, but it doesn't hurt as much anymore. I would rather have her head-down and deal with the pain, though. I really don't want to have a c-section. :/

Food aversions: Ehh. Not much.

Food cravings: Sugar. Mostly. This morning I made DELICIOUS pancakes. I often crave ice cream and candy. It's like being back in the second trimester. But I'm not craving it too much. I often have to remind myself to put food in my system.

What I miss: Drinking. :/ Sad, I know. I watched BD have a lot of good beer this past weekend, and I was severely jealous.

What I am looking forward to: Moving in with BD. Which will be happening THIS FRIDAY!!!! Get excited! I'm so ready to nest and make up this nursery! I think that after I spend a few days unpacking and decorating, she'll make her appearance. She's just waiting for us to feel ready. :)
I start my new job next week! I'm working with my sorority sister (she's my manager) so it will be nice to be under someone who knows my situation. I'm starting training next week, and will work until the bean comes. After she's born, I'll have my maternity leave and work as an assistant manager. :) I'm not sure what we'll do for childcare (I really don't like it at all) but we'll figure something out.

Milestones: Kind of TMI, but I lost my mucus plug. Which could mean that labor is on it's way, or that I have another month to wait. It's like a fake labor-sign. Like the groundhog seeing his shadow.

Names we're thinking recently: Unsure. I like Rowan and Elsie most. BD likes Clara and Zoey. I'm kind of hoping that when she's born, he'll get all emotional, and proud of me, and just let me pick her name. :)

Oh! And if you enjoyed my belly pic, this post, or my blog in general, PLEASE vote for me! kthanks! :)

day 28- a picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?

My sorority sisters and I one year ago. I can't believe the physical change in myself, much less in my life. A year ago, I was ready to graduate college. I was doing well in school. I had a new, but amazing boyfriend. I was ready to begin a full-time job and work my way up in a company. I was the president of my sorority, and was BUSY. I went to the bar a few times a week and drank very socially. (What can I say, I was in college...).


Here is me at my baby shower on Saturday with my birth mom. I've only gained about 25 pounds, but it looks like I've gained 60. I can especially see in the picture how big my face is... gross. It looks like I'm having twins... so weird. I'm ready to become a Mommy. I haven't partied in a long, long time. Sometimes, I even have a hard time connecting to BD and friends because my priorities have changed so much. However, I am a much stronger person. I stand up for myself, and no one will push me around.
I'm not exactly where I thought I would be a year ago. Getting pregnant definitely threw me for a loop, but I have to say it's the best and most important thing that's happened to me my whole life. And I can't wait to begin my new life, with a whole new set of priorities, as a mother.

My little bean...

I'm getting very anxious to meet you. You've been growing and gaining strength for 35 weeks now, and I think we're both getting impatient. :) Only two more weeks to wait, and then you could make your appearance anytime. I would appreciate if you waited another two weeks, until you're big enough and your Daddy and I have everything ready for you.
We had our last baby shower yesterday, and now we have EVERYTHING for you, except a crib and bottles. But we're working on it. I'll be going shopping for you (my favorite kind of shopping to do), this week after my appointment. I even set up your swing last night all by myself, and it looks pretty good. I'm so very excited to set up your nursery and get everything ready for you. We have enough diapers for your first two months, as long as you don't grow too fast. :)
You have gotten so many precious outfits that I can't wait for you to wear. You'll probably grow out of them before you get a chance to wear them all. You certainly are loved by everyone! People are getting anxious to see you. (Besides me and your daddy.)
I keep wondering what you think of the inside of me. I pretty much have your movements down to a science. I can run my fingertips down my belly, and it almost seems like I'm tickling you. You push right back, too. You totally like the heating pad that I put on my back. It's like you nestle right into my spine, which almost makes the back pain worse, but I'm ok with it. I mean, not really, but I'll have to put up with you. :)
You cousin Lilly says it's time for you to come out. And that she thinks your name should be Lilly too. She's already asked me 3 times today if you're going to come out and see her today. She helped me fold all of your outfits when I did laundry last night, and played with some of your toys. She has also asked me 5 bajillion times if she can hold you after you're born. She's pretty excited to meet you.
Lola walked around smelling your swing, diapers, and clothes today. I think she's starting to get used to all of these strange baby items. She's excited to meet you too. As long as you don't chase her around the house and pull her tail, and I'm pretty sure you'll do exactly that.

I love you, little girl. And I can't wait to meet you and match your beautiful face to the baby I dream about every night.

Love, Mama.

Curious Friday/What I did today.

So. Today Lola and I went for a walk. It was absolutely beautiful outside, although windy. I put on some tennis shoes and Lee's big sweatshirt, grabbed some plastic grocery bags for poop pick-up, and off we went. It has been a LONG time since Lola has been on a walk. Luckily, my mom's house has a pretty big yard, so I can just let her out and she runs around and plays in the snow, and then I don't have to go out in the bitter cold. (Have I mentioned how much I hate the cold? Because I do.) I've been feeling guilty about not taking her out, but since falling on the ice last month, I thought I had better play it safe.
She was so excited! She pooped like 13 times... I was not happy because every time I had to somehow bend over and pick it up, while simultaneously trying to not fall over from her pulling me to the next tree or pee-spot. I wanted to scold her, and I know we'll have to do some re-training before the bean gets here so that she'll walk calmly next to the stroller, but it was her first time out in a long while... so I let it go.
About halfway through our walk, I started getting really intense back pain (what else is new, right?). I figure that it's because my posture is so thrown off from the bean. I'm definitely excited to get back to being active after she's out. When we got home, I drank some H2O and rested for 15 minutes or so until I went back outside and started picking up dog poop from around the yard. I'm trying to clear away as much as I can before it starts snowing again, and the job becomes even more miserable in the spring. I picked up about half (with Lola sleeping on the deck... I guess our walk tired her out) before getting such bad back pain that I couldn't stand up straight. I had to shuffle, all hunched over like a little old lady, back to the house. I was afraid of becoming stiff if I just laid down, so I took a very hot shower instead. That seemed to help with the pain a bit, but not completely. I did my prenatal yoga dvd (BD would be proud), hoping it would stretch me out, but I just became more tired. So as of now, I'm in the recliner with my feet up and a heating pad on my back.

Now, after all of that unneeded information, my question to you is: How did physical exercise go for you in your remaining weeks of pregnancy? Did you sit on the couch (like I do sometimes) because of bed rest, or pain, and eat your heart out? Were you active up until the end? Did you have to quit your "fitness" routine? And how did that affect the arrival of your child? I've heard that active mamas tend to deliver early, and couch potatoes tend to be late. Is that true based off your experience? I would like to know. :)

Also, two clicks for a tired preggo? Thanks!

day 23- something you crave for a lot

I'm not sure that's entirely grammatically correct. "crave for a lot"....? Well, lately it's been food. I've kept you pretty updated about that. As far as other things go... physical contact. I had some pretty bad back/belly/nerve pain last night, along with contractions, and all I wanted was physical contact from BD. Hugging me, rubbing my back, kissing my forehead, stroking my hair, putting pressure on my hips... it all helped me deal with the pain. The closer and closer I get to the end of the pregnancy, the more I want to be held and feel loved. I want to be cuddled. I want hugs to last forever. I'm wearing Lee's sweatshirt right now because I'm missing him while he's at work. I'm so damn clingy. It needs to stop. But it's so... comfortable. :)

day 20- someone you love

What a perfect post for Valentine's Day!

Normally, I hate Valentine's Day. I think it's stupid. If you're in love, I don't think you need a day to show it. And if you're not, it just makes you feel so much more miserable. I don't like getting flowers (when they die, it's depressing). But I told BD that if he ever gets me flowers, I would much rather get them any other day of the year.

So today, we both work and I'll see him just before midnight. We talked about renting a movie, but that usually starts an argument because we don't (in any way) enjoy the same movies. So, anyways. We'll probably hang out with some friends, or head to the bar for an hour, where I can drink water. How fun. :)

Anyways, he is the love of my life, there's no doubt about that. No matter what happens, we always find our way back to each other. We can fight and say mean things, and for some reason, we're still drawn together like magnets. Hopefully someday, it will get easier, and we will figure things out. But for now, as long as we can survive it will be enough. :)

Coming weeks.

We're getting really close. I know I say that often, but I'm 34 weeks today. So, each day will feel closer I guess. :) 3 weeks from today, I will be full term. Then the baby can come at any point and they won't stop my labor. I would like her to wait a bit past 37 weeks... to 38 or 39 weeks, but I guess as long as she's full term (or early term, as they're calling it now) it's fine with me. We have basically everything we need now (baby-product-wise), so that makes me feel much better. We're still apartment searching, which is frustrating. (Reasons why I wanted to get an apartment back in October.) I just want to be settled and be able to do the nursery before she comes. I want to be ready and waiting, not surprised and un-prepared. I guess we'll see how it goes.
I've been wondering how things will happen, lately. I really want to remember every minute of the bean's birth story. And as I sit here typing, I think, "could it happen now?" Will my water break first? And if it does, will it be when BD is with me? sleeping? in public? at work? Will I have the same contractions I've been having every day since mid-January, and then one day they just won't go away... but they'll get worse? I guess I'll find out eventually... but I'm just curious. :)
I'm so excited for that moment. The "she's on her way" moment. When I know that I'll be a mommy. For real. No more random hospital stays (the count is currently at 5) and scares. BD and I talked about that first night in the hospital after she's born, and how I can't wait for sleep and to lay on my belly. :) And to have that little baby, of course. I love her so much, and I can't wait to hold her in my arms.

Cooper baby shower!

Lee's Dad's side of the family threw us our second baby shower! It was wonderful. We played lots of games that were really fun-- no lame baby shower games! We played one where we had to "birth the baby". There were little plastic babies frozen in ice cubes, and we had to get them out without the use of our hands. Well, they had to stay in the cup and you could use your breath and insulate the cup with your hands. Lee won, of course.
There was lots of amazing food, cake, and decorations. Sue, Vickie, and Sarah did an AMAZING job, and I can't thank them enough! We received so many gifts, and I think we're set on everything we're going to need for the little bean to arrive! Including enough diapers to last us at least a month! We had a wonderful time, and it was so nice to feel that this baby is celebrated. Everyone in his family is so supportive. We're very blessed.
Here are some pictures that Vickie uploaded today:


Lee, and the baby he "Birthed".

The cake!

Lee, opening presents.

Trying to "birth" my baby.

Diaper cake.

Curious Friday.

I have been reading birth stories like crazy. BD is worried that it will make me worry unnecessarily, but so far, it's making me feel prepared. I'm hungry for knowledge. For new vocabulary. Etc.

PLEASE feed my addiction. Share your birth story. :)

day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

This may sound really lame... because it is. But I would switch lives with Lee. Sometimes I feel like we argue because we don't understand each other. Where we're coming from, why we think the way we do, as well as many other aspects. I feel like if I was able to literally be in his shoes, I would understand him more. Granted, that's who I am. I want to make our relationship better. Always. I want to understand. I want to have a conversation without fighting. If you ask him the same question, it would probably be something like Buddha. Or some rock star. Or Hugh Hefner. But that's why we're different.

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

My family cannot be explained in just one picture... so I tried to include everyone in several pictures, and there are still some members missing... but I did my best. My family is complicated, in case you didn't know.




My adoptive Mom and sisters. The people I spent the most time growing up with.




My adoptive daddy and I the day I was adopted.




My birth family, Mama and brother.




Baby-Daddy and I.




Sorority. <3




My first-born, Lola.

day 13- a letter to someone

Hello my baby girl,

I am getting so ready to meet you. Currently, you have the hiccups for the third time today, and it's only 12:30. You're running out of room in my belly, so you're not really kicking any more. You do stick out your butt quite often, which is usually quite adorable, but also very strange feeling for me. Your daddy and I went out for dinner last night for the first half of the super bowl (the packers won by the way... booo!), and your Daddy kept talking and talking and talking. :) He can talk A LOT. All the while I was having some very painful contractions. I was trying not to let him know, because he can freak out a little if he thinks there's a problem. We came back home and watched the second half with my Mama. I don't remember much of it, though. I was in a lot of pain. So much that I teared up a bit, and couldn't talk at times. But luckily, things settled down and we didn't have to go to the hospital.
I had a lot of time to think about things, as I needed to distract myself from the pain. I'm really hoping that the hypnobabies I've been doing works when it's time for you to make your appearance. I definitely don't want to be in pain, but mostly, I want to make your birthday a wonderful experience. I want to be calm, and let my body do exactly what it knows how to do to bring you into the world.
I'm very anxious about being a good mommy for you. I'm trying to convince myself that I will be, but it still worries me. I want to be able to give you everything you need, and be there for you always.
I can't wait to meet you, but it does need to wait another 4 weeks or so. Okay?

I love you to the moon and back.

-Your mommy.

day 9- something you're proud of in the past few days

Baby daddy and I had a fight. A BIG fight. A this-might-end-our-relationship fight. BUT, we came through it. We weighed our options of whether it would be better for each of us, as well as the baby, to just split up. Try co-parenting, from afar. It was inevitable... we're staying together. We worked things out. And we're trying. We know that her having us both is much better than each trying to parent apart. He said something that made me cry right away, "together, we can get through anything." Our love and trust in each other is much stronger than I ever realized. Things are difficult sometimes, but we've grown and made it through so much together in the past year, and I can't wait to tackle the next 18 with him. Let's start with the first year of the little bean's life... but there's nothing wrong with aiming high. :)

day 5- a picture of somewhere you've been to

Lee and I lived in Hawaii during the first 5 weeks after we found out I was preggers. This is a picture of our last day. We went to the beach and tried to take in everything and remember. We literally boarded the plane about 3 hours after this picture was taken.

day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have

I have a tendancy to drag out fights and debates after the conversation is wayyy over. Even after I say, "I'm done talking about this", I continue to make little comments and have to have the last word. Lee hates it, although he's kind of the same way. It's quite horrible, really.

day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

I think this is one of the only recent pictures of myself. I've hated having the camera turned on me for the last few months. Or rather, I dislike the outcome. Sometimes I'll take 30+ pictures of myself... trying to find a suitable one. But I'm my own worst critic, so this can become difficult. I'm just very sad that I will have almost no pictures of me during my whole pregnancy. :( Stupid self-image problems.
Anyways, I like this picture because it's a cute one of baby-daddy and I from new years... which wasn't too long ago.

Now for the facts...
1. I was born completely bald. I'm talking cabbage-patch-doll style. I had very slight peach fuzz for the first 3 1/2-4 years before I got real hair. Sad. Baby-daddy was born with so much hair that they had to part it for his hospital picture. So we'll see what the bean gets. :)

2. When I can deliver a good (by my standards) and informational blog post, I feel like I accomplished something. Kind of like finishing my homework and knowing it was all done right.

3. I love shopping. Usually, I don't even buy anything. Or I'll buy something on clearance for under $5. I have actually gone shopping for hours, and will half-fill a cart, then will talk myself down on why I don't need anything that I picked up, and I will walk out of the store empty-handed (after returning everything to it's rightful place). I think it makes me feel like I have some sort of control. Oh! And about 50% of the time after I buy something, I'll return it to the store after convincing myself that I didn't need to buy it. Probably the reason I edit my baby registry every other day.

4. Have a complicated family-life. I am the second-oldest of four girls. They are 26, 19, and 18. My older sister and I are also adopted, but not related. My two younger sisters are my adoptive parents', who got pregnant after 10 years of being told they couldn't have children. I am in contact with my birth family and have a half-sister and a half-brother. My adoptive parents are divorced. My dad lives 2 hours north, and my birth family lives 2 1/2 hours south. It's easier to sort out when you know them. :)

5. I'm a very paranoid person. I think of every outcome for every situation in a feeble attempt to never be taken off-guard. I need to stop doing this BEFORE going into labor. I've already read far too many birth stories and the paranoia is definitely kicking in. (I just don't see how a baby can fit through there...)

6. I've never broken a bone. Unless you count the baby-tooth that broke when I was kicked in the face by my horse. I'm not sure it counts... it was a tooth after all. Oh, and it was at age 16. I have no idea why I still had baby teeth.

7. I love my dog, Lola, as if she were my first born. I will most likely have to give her up very very soon. :( Baby daddy and I are moving into a new place in the next couple of weeks. We're down to two places, one allows pets and one does not. Lee is leaning towards the place that does not allow pets. Very, very sad day for me is coming soon. I'm not far from tears just thinking about it. I don't want to give up my baby. :(

8. I met baby-daddy in a bar. :) He somehow convinced me to kiss him before I knew that his first name was Lee. Sad, I know. And now we're crazy in love and about to have a bebe. :)

9. I love caffeine. SO much. I still drink coffee regularly, but before I got pregnant, I was averaging 6-8 cups a day. Now it's 1-2. I would go to Starbucks every day if I could. And I still drink pop. Regular, diet, caffeinated, decaffeinated. Anything really. It's a problem. I hope to be rid of my addiction soon. I gave up a lot when I got pregnant, so it's kind of the last thing...

10. I feel like escalators are a difficult experience for me. Moving sidewalks as well. I have to concentrate when getting on or off one. Like if I don't pay attention, my shoelace will get stuck, or the bottom of my jeans. It's a very irrational fear.

11. I'm never not focused on something. Even if I'm "relaxing", I'm reading a book, cleaning, watching tv, blogging, writing, painting, thinking, planning, organizing. and so it goes. It's really difficult for me to clear my mind and relax 99.9% of the time.

12. Recently I've really enjoyed taking showers. I mean, I always like showers, but I'm taking like 2 a day recently. Part of it has to do with the fact that, since I've been pregnant, I always feel sweaty and gross. But also because I'm cold most of the time. (seems like an oxymoron, I know. but that's pregnancy hormones for you.) Actually, my feet and hands are always too cold, but my face and the rest of me are too warm. It makes sleeping quite interesting. I've always had poor circulation, and I hate socks. So that is a part of it also. But then I just get in the shower, and I feel wonderful. :)

13. I love when I can make people laugh. Some people think I'm funny. But it's a daily goal of mine to make Lee laugh. He makes me laugh all of the time. ALL of the time. When we were in the hospital, I had to ask him to stop talking because he was making me laugh too much and it hurt my belly. So when I can make him laugh, not just a chuckle or something, a real, gut-wrenching laugh, I feel like I've impressed him a little. Like he says to himself, "This is why I love her". And it makes me feel worthy of him, even for only a moment. :)

14. A secret I haven't told anyone yet: If I could have a do-over, or start again, I would go back to school and either be a midwife or an OB. Since being pregnant, I've done a ton of research and read lots of stories. I would love to help women have wonderful birth experiences. This may all change after I give birth myself, but it's a nice thought.

15. I hate being alone. I think I need to learn to be my own best friend. I don't even need to be in the same room as someone, but feeling another presence in the house is comforting. I think this is a big part of the reason that I miss my college town so much. All of my friends are there. Here, all I do is spend a very limited amount of time with my family (they're all very busy), or else I'm at work. I'm very much a people person. It's a big reason of why I can't wait for the bean to arrive. It's another person, even if she can't talk to me for awhile. She is someone that I'll be able to focus all of my love and attention into. I think baby daddy is going to feel a bit left out after she's born. :)


The end.

Gathering experience.

We went to go visit my sister, brother-in-law, and my nephew! We hung out for a while and then went to dinner.


He's the sweetest.



Lee, at dinner.


He has to do breathing treatments. :( Poor little guy.


This is how Landon sleeps. It's pretty adorable.

Baby daddy came to visit. :)

It's the first time Lee has come to see me since Christmas. And I was sooo excited to see him! I was actually pretty depressed when he left. I cried. Which is nothing new. But I hate when he misses so much during the majority of the week. Every little kick without him, going to the hospital without him, everything. Sucks. Without him.
BUT I was able to spend lots of time with him this weekend and it was great. And he is weird. Evidence: