On Friday, March 25th, I woke up still feeling uneasy. My Mom and sister called from my Mom's chemo treatment, and I shared my concerns with them. I kept telling my Mom that something wasn't right, and I needed to hold the bean in my arms, and then I would feel better. They both told me to go in and demand a non-stress test. So, I did. I drank juice, they put a vibration thing up against my belly, and the doctor tried moving her all around, but she wouldn't budge. I told my doctor that I would like an ultrasound, and it would really make me feel better.
She sent me to the hospital for a bio-physical profile, and they got me in right away. I called BD at work to let him know what was going on, and he said to let him know as soon as I knew anything. I also called my Mom and sister. The ultrasound tech was mostly quiet, but I got to see little bean's hands and feet move, and see her lungs working. She told me I could go home and would know within the hour.
I really didn't think anything was wrong. We've had so many false alarms, I'm used to over-reacting, but feeling better once I was checked out. I went to Old Navy and looked at baby clothes, then went to Barnes & Noble to continue searching for baby names, and doing parenting research. After the first hour with no news, I had a very anxious boyfriend, mother, and sister.
As I was beginning a list entitled "Things to do before the baby comes", the doctor called. She explained that my amniotic fluid was low, and that they wanted to induce me whenever I got to the hospital. I had a mini-panic attack, and she told me to pack last-minute things and eat a good meal. I left several books sitting out and left right away. As I was getting in the car, I called BD and said,
"We're having a baby."
"Today? Like right now?"
"Yes."
He left work to meet me at home. I called my Mom and sisters, drove home, and started grabbing last minute things. I forced myself to take a deep-breath, then walked in the nursery and cried my eyes out, staring at an empty crib that wouldn't be empty for long. BD got back and ate a meal, all while freaking out. I ate a banana. I made him stand in the nursery and take a deep breath, then told him to appreciate the silence for the last time. I kept rubbing my belly, trying to remember the feeling of the baby inside me. We got our last-minute things together, and left for the hospital.
Once we were settled and I was hooked up to monitors, the on call doctor came in to talk to us. She told us that we were in quite the dire situation. My fluid was not only low, it was dangerously low. There was 1 cc of fluid left (they like to see 10 cc). She said those are the babies that die, and that we were lucky to have found it now, before it was too late.
(And now to finish this story...)
I have to say that the worst part of the whole process was the monitors and iv. Especially since it was in my birth plan not to have those things. I was tethered to the bed by them, and couldn't even walk the halls.
Anyways, I was induced around 10 pm on Friday night. I slept maybe a total of 20 minutes the entire night. It was torture. Around 3 pm the following day, the on call doctor broke my water. Nothing was left. At 4 pm, my cervix had only dilated to 2.5 cm. (I had been at 2 cm for the last 3 weeks, so I had only progressed a 1/2 cm.) So, after 18 hours of drug-free labor and only a 1/2 cm of progression, it was decided that I would have a C-section. I cried. A lot. After all my work on my birth plan, my 2 months of hypnobabies, and TONS of research, I was disappointed. I felt like a failure. I know I wasn't, and the only thing that was important was a healthy baby, but I was disappointed. I wanted to do the whole thing naturally and drug-free. (*I learned that the best way of knowing what's going to happen, is to write a birth plan, and then expect the EXACT opposite to happen.)
Once a C-section was decided, the whole process happened very fast. BD dressed in scrubs and got the camera raedy. I said 'see ya later' to my mama, and they walked me into the operating room. (It was sterile and scary.) I was so afraid of moving while they did the spinal block (but I didn't). Not feeling pain is the weirdest sensation. I could feel what they were doing, but it didn't hurt. When I was all set up, they had BD come in and sit by my head. From there, it went quickly. BD talked to me the whole time.
When it was time to pull her out, the anesthesiologist held a mirror up so I could see her come out. :) She was so beautiful and perfect, all covered in blood and mucus. (BD says she looked like a demon.) BD just kept saying, "oh my goodness, oh my goodness", and taking pictures. I couldn't say anything. I just stared. I started crying right away. They cleaned her up and brought her over to Lee. I kissed her and stared. They took her to the nursery, and Lee stayed with me. I was so worried that everyone would get to hold her before me.
Now that she was out, and safe, I worried about me. They took about 30-45 minutes to close me up. I was trying not to freak out. (BD got a picture of the doctor sewing up my uterus while it was laying on my belly...eww.) They finally finished and took me to the recovery room. Lee's entire family and my mom and sister were waiting right outside my room. BD and the bean were waiting for me, and I got to hold her second, after him. :)
The nurses helped me start to breastfeed right away. It didn't work. Getting out of bed for the first time was horrible. I was very slow and in pain for the first two weeks. It took the baby and I about 10 days to get the hang of breastfeeding. It was very stressful.
Overall, I'm ok with the outcome. :) They took the staples out too early, and my incision separated. It became infected. I got an infection in my uterus, bringing on a cat-scan and 2 different antibiotics, and it still hasn't gone away. I couldn't get out of bed for the first week, even with vicodin, so I slept in a recliner. But through the pain and disappointment, I got the most beautiful and healthy baby girl.
