Making Changes

Well, the past year has been very trying for me. For my family. Lots of things have happened. Both good and bad. I'm making a true, full-hearted effort for 2013.

This is going to be a good year.

The week of January we've had thus far has been very trying. It's been a struggle to be the bigger person in situations where I want to be petty. To rise above the (excuse my french) shit that sometimes surrounds me, and to know that I'm better. I deserve more. And I'm not going to settle for any less.

I've never been a person to make resolutions. If I'm really motivated to do something, I do it. Regardless of whether  it's January 1st or July 15th. But seeing as this year is full of changes. I'm going to change. After all, if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got. Therefore, it's time to do something different.

It's been no secret that I've been trying to lose weight since I was about 11. I've never been that girl. And I want to be her. I want to be the girl who's in shape. Who takes care of herself, and it shows. So here we go. I've lost 11 lbs since Christmas. Not a lot. Mostly, due to being sick. But I'm sick of starting over. And you can't start over if you don't quit. My plans have to be realistic. Clara is already in daycare 11 hours a day. And I refuse to sacrifice her waking hours for gym time. I'll be making life style changes. Walking/running every day. Without excuse. Even if I don't feel like a run, I have to walk. And walks normally turn into runs. So I'm fine with it.

I finished a cycle of P90X in October, and it's time I do another. So, every night after Clara goes to bed, it's P90X time. Every morning will be walk/run time. As the weather gets warmer, I can add in more outdoor activities.

I don't expect to be beach  ready this summer. But I'd like to be comfortable. I'd like to wear a tank top or short sleeves without feeling the need to wear a sweater. I'd like to wear shorts for the first time in 3 years. But maybe, just maybe, I'll be ready next summer.

This somehow turned into a "weight-loss" post. Which wasn't my intention. It stems from the new world that I'm about to experience as dating as a single mother. Clara's Dad and I have made our last attempt at making things work, and we've realized that it's not going to. (That's all I'm saying about that, so don't even ask.)

I'm not ready to get out there yet. My heart needs to heal. I need to figure out how to fit another person into my schedule. When Clara, and working 11 hours a day take priority, there's little time left over to meet anyone. Much less try to have a relationship. But I'm looking forward. I'm seeing the possibilities that exist. I'm considering. And I'm taking it slow. I'm getting used to the idea of having someone else in my life, in Clara's life, besides her Dad. And that's hard. I never pictured growing old with anyone but him. But I'm trying.

And I think that's the real theme for 2013. Trying. Trying for happy. Doing things differently then I ever have before. It will be hard. I will fail over and over. But I will learn. And I will be better for it.

Here we go. :-)