4 months already?

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Yep. You heard right. My little bean is 4 months old today. On one hand, it seems like she's grown so fast. It was just yesterday that new was too small for her newborn clothes and I'm about to pack away her 3 month clothes. Crazy.
On the other hand, I can't remember life before Clara. She's doing all sorts of new things. She tried cereal for the first time yesterday. Today was the first full-out giggle I've heard while tickling her belly button (which has finally receded to a normal size). She plays in her exersaucer and is getting pretty good at playing and manipulating her toys.
We're struggling in the breastfeeding department. My supply has decreased drastically since I started the birth control, implanon. I've done everything I can think of to increase it. I'm taking fenugreek capsules, drinking milk maid tea, drinking more water, getting plenty of sleep. Because I'm estimating that she's only getting an ounce (if we're that lucky), I'll breastfeed then give her a 4-6 oz. bottle, then pump on each side for 10 minutes. Nothing. I've been doing this for about a month.
But anyway, life is good. My baby is healthy and sleeping through the night.I'm blessed. :)


Friday, July 8, 2011

So, this is kind of random, and has nothing to do with the bean or the bf. It has to do with my sorority sisters. I've been feeling very alone without them recently. I have this... sticky feeling (as in it won't go away) lately that they don't like me anymore. My entire world was Alpha Phi. My relationships, friends, school work, work, and money revolved around the sorority. I put in everything I had... And since I've done that, I feel used up. I understand that a lot of people feel that way after having a baby. That their friends don't have anything in common with them anymore because now they have all of this responsibility. But I think it started before that. My sisters used to be everything to me, and I don't quite understand what happened. I love them with all of my heart, but I don't feel like I'm apart of them anymore. I feel shut out. On the outside. Abandoned. As if the one I love left me for a younger woman. It sucks. I just want my family back. I never went a day without seeing at least one of them, and now I go weeks? Unacceptable. I don't understand. I just want my sisters back. Please, whatever I did, let me just make things right. I'm completely lost without my family. No one is excited to see me anymore. There are no hugs or catching up. It's polite small-talk at best. Where are the women I listened to for hours and who let me cry on their shoulders? I don't feel like I'm apart of a family anymore. I've been disowned and I just want to come back.
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